What can I do if my Ex-boyfriend is harassing me? 9 Answers as of December 20, 2012

I've been married to my husband going on seven years and I had my son with another man about one year ago. My husband and I were going through hard times and debating divorce. We separated for some time, during which I dated someone else. I know that is technically adultery since I was still married at the time. My husband was living with another woman and I wanted to see what it would be like to date someone new. During that time, I became pregnant with my boyfriend. Before my son was born, I broke up with my boyfriend because he cheated on me. Soon after our breakup I found out he went to prison for violating his probation multiple times. Then about three months later, I got back together with my husband. He moved back in and my son was born. Now it is a little over a year later and my ex just got back from prison and wants to be involved with my son. He is threatening to take him away and get full custody of him. I heard my husband currently has legal rights to our son since we were married throughout the whole pregnancy and even years before my son was born. My son recognizes my husband and his daddy and bio dad is a complete stranger. What should I do about this? I would like my ex to leave the picture but I think he is determined to stick around, not for the child but to get under my skin and cause issues. I really don't want my son to grow up around him. I would like to know my options and maybe a few methods to keep him away. Bio dad has two other children from two other women that he has never met and avoided paying child support to both. One is a 3-year old boy and the other is a 5-year old girl. He signed his rights away to one and straight up ignored the other until the mother gave up. Both women filed for child support but he avoided them both and didn't want any contact with them or the children. It just doesn't make sense to me that he is so interested in contact with my son if he didn't want anything to do with his first two children.

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John E. Kirchner, Attorney at Law
John E. Kirchner, Attorney at Law | John Kirchner
If your child was born while you were married, you husband is legally presumed to be the father unless and until a court rules, based on paternity testing, that someone else is the father. Your ex- may or may not be able and willing to file a paternity case to attempt to be declared the father, but until he does he has no legal rights whatsoever and you can whatever you believe is best for the child; including getting a restraining order against your ex-boyfriend.
Answer Applies to: Colorado
Replied: 12/20/2012
John Russo | John Russo
First, it would be interesting to see who was listed as the father on the child's birth certificate when he was born, that would be dispositive on this issue. Second, I always find these narratives to follow the same story line, the author has a clear and precise explanation for all of their indiscretions and issues, while in the same breath they have an uncanny ability to be able to point to all of the other parties faults, coupled with a complete understanding, as well as knowledge, as to why the other person did certain things, in a particular way. I find it peculiar that you would use as you'r excuse to leave your ex boyfriend the very same thing that you were doing with him at the time you determined him to be fit to procreate with i.e. cheating. But I guess we can overlook that since you were so confused at the time and trying to find yourself, and also your husband was doing the exact some-thing to you at the time that you were doing to him that your ex boyfriend subsequently did to you that caused you to leave him, so you claim. Moreover, in this day and age a parent as you claim, cannot just, "straight up ignore child support obligations" the system does not allow that to happen as long as the parent with placement uses a little effort to collect the support, also, I don't know who you have been talking to but a parent cannot just sign their parental rights away to the other parent simply to just avoid child support payments, it does not work that way, child support is governed and mandated by the federal government, not the states, and the states are subject to the ERISA statutes. As far as what you heard about your husbands rights as they relate to this child, due to the fact that you were legally married to him at the time of conception is partially factual. There is a legal presumption that he is possibly the father, but as we both know he is not and the real father is now coming forwarded, this is much to complicated of an issue to try to explain in this type of format, but with all things being equal all I can say, with the limited amount of information provided here is that your alleged ex boyfriend is in a better position to claim his parental rights then your husband is. This could change as time goes on and the father does not move forwarded on this issue, but as of today he would have a solid argument. Also, as stated earlier I do not know who you talk to on this issues, but the phrase FULL CUSTODY, does not mean what most people believe it does, it is not the handing over of one's parental rights, I suggest that you do a little research of your own on these issues, and stop taking what you are told at face value. There are different terms used within all the various jurisdiction but in the end it comes down to this, Joint Custody, placement with mom or dad, Sole Custody, placement with mom or dad, which is the one that so many are fond of calling Full Custody, which in reality is not separated by much from Joint, and then there is the least favored by the courts, Shared Custody, and Placement. Now theses all have variations depending on circumstances, such as supervised visitation for reasons determined by the court, as well as the very rarest of orders no visitation which is usually accompanied by a protective order based on some type of abuse. So in the end there would seem to be based again on your fact pattern a better then equal chance that the father will obtain some form of parental rights if he moves in a speedy manor.
Answer Applies to: Rhode Island
Replied: 12/20/2012
WARM SPRINGS LAW GROUP | Elliott D. Yug
You are right when you conclude he just wants to get under your skin. At most he can get joint physical custody not primary. You don't say why he went to prison. That is important to know. That doesn't automatically disqualify him from having custody but the underlying charge just might. Whose name is on the birth certificate? In order for him to get any rights he has to go to court. Any court action will require him to pay child support both current and past. Use that fact to convince him to leave.
Answer Applies to: Nevada
Replied: 12/20/2012
Law Office of Annette M. Cox, PLLC
Law Office of Annette M. Cox, PLLC | Annette M. Cox
You can suggest to him that if he pursues custody you will seek child support including a retroactive request for back child support as you can go back 3 years (provided you and bio dad were not living together). Then I would talk to an attorney and consider taking steps to be proactive and protect your son.
Answer Applies to: Arizona
Replied: 12/20/2012
Elizabeth Jones, A Professional Corporation
Elizabeth Jones, A Professional Corporation | Elizabeth Jones
I really think you should get an attorney to work out your options. Your husband is the presumed father since you were married at birth. But it can be more difficult than that. Bio dad's past behavior at work in your favor. But you should also consider your child's right to know his father. Good luck.
Answer Applies to: California
Replied: 12/20/2012
    The Davies Law Firm, P.A.
    The Davies Law Firm, P.A. | Robert F. Davies, Esq.
    You have some serious problems. I suggest you contact a good divorce lawyer immediately.
    Answer Applies to: New Jersey
    Replied: 12/20/2012
    LAW OFFICE OF ANNE B. HOWARD | Anne B. Howard
    He has no rights as you were married when son was born. If he takes you to court find a lawyer. If he harasses you get a restraining order.
    Answer Applies to: California
    Replied: 12/20/2012
    Petit & Dommershausen SC
    Petit & Dommershausen SC | Tajara Dommershausen
    Until or unless he files for paternity rights (and if the court allows him to intercede in a marriage) he has no rights. You can ignore him and if he won't leave you alone call the police. You can hire an attorney to send him a cease and desist letter (ie leave me alone or I am calling the police and/or getting a harassment injunction).
    Answer Applies to: Wisconsin
    Replied: 12/20/2012
    Richard D. Zasada, LLC | Richard D. Zasada
    First of all, both of you committed adultery. Second, the law tried to protect an intact marriage and probably would dismiss any petition. The husband at the time the baby is born is the legal father. The harassment issues need to be handled by law enforcement or if it meets the requirements you can file an injunction to keep him away from you. My advice is to consult with an attorney and he can explain to you the full extent of the law in this area.
    Answer Applies to: Florida
    Replied: 12/19/2012
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