What can I do if my ex wife does not keep me informed about children? 1 Answers as of June 17, 2011I have joint custody of two boys (5 & 6 yrs. old) with my ex wife (she has residential). I pay my court ordered support on time and I have the boys 50% of the time which is fine with me. My ex wife doesn't keep me posted on anything that's going on with my boys. Both in school and medically. I just found out my 6 year old was started on medication for ADHD three weeks ago! He told me, not her! I want to have my input into this and other situations that may come up that she doesn't inform me about. What can I do? I do ask when she drops them off, if there is anything new to tell me and her answer is usually "No". Please help, I'm not a deadbeat dad and involved with my boys.
Theodore W. Robinson, P.C. | Theodore W. Robinson
While you may be a great father (and you sound like you are) it won't make a mother who is still apparently angry with you (likely from the divorce) start to act maturely, even for the sake of your joint children. This is apparently her effort to keep you out of their lives and assert her motherly authority as much as possible, which is likely designed to keep you from having any input at all. Perhaps the best thing you can do is write her a letter laying all of your"complaints" out to her logically and rationally and end it with a specific request to keep you informed. Then, when (and notice I didn't say "if") she fails to inform you again of serious things happening in your boys' lives, write her another letter laying that incident out as well. Don't be a nitpicker, but make sure to document each time she does the same type of thing. Then, on the third or fourth time she does that same thing, file a Petition in Court (Family or Supreme) for a change of primary custody based upon her purposeful refusal to keep you informed about your children. That will usually wake her up and she just may start to do it right after that. Or, if you're really done by then (not unlikely) notify her in the second or third letter of your intent to file for custody and then when you do it she will have been given full notice of your intent and I believe you will have a good case then to change primary custody to you. Confer with a child custody attorney to verify this, but I'm sure this works because I've used it in the past.Good luck.
Answer Applies to: New York